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Thursday, November 21, 2013

Weird head day

Yesterday was a really weird head day for me.  I am sure I know why.  I have been looking toward  the surgery for 11 months.  It has held off so many things I wanted to do during that time.  It has also been the motivation for many of the things I have done over that time.   It has been a consistent topic of conversation with Kilo and I.  But mostly it has been on my mind constantly.  

Now it is over in a way.   The hardest parts that I have been worrying about are done.   The insurance approved it, and the surgery is completed and I healed fine.  

I always have stress let down.   When I have something coming that I am stressed about I will always have stress letdown a day or two after it ends.   This almost always ends up causing a migraine.  

So yesterday I woke up with that feeling of frustration and loss that comes with my stress letdowns.   So in order to hopefully avoid the migraine that follows I took a very lazy day.   I watched TV and pouted more then I have in a long time.   I did manage to make half a scarf while I watched TV but still didn’t accomplish much.   But awesome milestone, I didn’t eat bad things or bad portions just because I felt bad.  

Today I am doing much better emotionally and have had a very productive day.   I finally got fully dressed (not jeans but slacks) with makeup and all and went out to accomplish things.  

I spent the morning looking for a job.   I had been waiting on getting a job because it seemed silly to get a Job in August (what we planned) when I would then be taking a few weeks off for surgery at an unknown date.   Now that the surgery is done, and I am feeling fine, I am job hunting.  

I think that might be also why yesterday was a weird head space.   I haven’t worked outside the home since Nov 2002.  We have owned our own business, and I volunteer for lots of things that take me away from home.  But all that I can easily schedule around my kids lives and not have it affect them.   So emotionally this is a HUGE change for me. 

Job hunting is never great on the ego.  Unless you are like Kilo and gotten every job he ever looked at getting and offers for jobs he didn’t even apply for.   Since my ego is still so sensitive this is going to be hard.

I am still making good food choices and eating the recommended diet just in 4-6 oz portions instead of 2 oz portions.   But the scale has only been moving slightly up.   I think that might be caused by lack of bowel movements.   So after I am home for the night I am going to try a little Miralax to see if things might start moving easier.   Luckily we have that already in the house for Spincycle.

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